Relationship Goals - Don’t Compromise
In a good relationship, we compromise, right? We take a little of what you want, a little of what I want, and we create a happy medium that we can both be satisfied with. That's the recipe for success, yes?
No. That's wrong, at least in my experience.
Compromise is a real thing, and it can work for, say, teachers. Students want to be outside for 20 minutes, the teacher just wants 10, so they slice it and stay outside for 15 minutes and everyone feels like a winner, BUT nobody got what they REALLY wanted. That might work in a classroom or a workplace, but it's not a sustainable thing for a relationship. I can't spend my life always giving up a little and never really getting what I want. Seriously, who wants to live that way?
The Most Successful Relationships Are About Give & Take
Sometimes you're the giver. You go to that party that your partner wants to go to even though you'd rather stay home and watch a movie, or you decide on Chinese when you'd rather have a burger. And you do it to make your partner happy, sure, but you also do it because you know that there will be times where you'll get to be the taker, and you'll get to go to that broadway show with your favorite person, even though that person would much rather NOT listen to people singing for 3 hours, or you'll get to watch the sappy love story instead of the action-packed, blood-soaked thriller that your love would find way more entertaining.
Listen, I'm no relationship expert but I used to EXHAUST myself, and my husband, trying to form some sort of middle ground. Y'all just don't know how frustrating that was. My husband and I are opposites in almost every way. We value the same things - hard work, family, and enjoying this beautiful journey called life - but other than that, we could not be more different.
He likes sports, I like to read.
I wear my heart on my sleeve, he only lets his guard down for certain (rare) people.
I LOVE to dance, he’d rather just listen to the music.
Honestly, the thing that strings it all together for us is the fact that we both love to try new things. So even if I want to go see a Broadway show, for example, he may not be that interested in people singing and dancing on stage while telling a story, but it’s a story he’s never heard before, maybe in a city or venue he’s never been to before, so he enjoys those parts of the experience. On the flip side of that, I’m not much of a sports girl, but I’ll go to games with him or sit and watch one at the house because it’s what he loves, and I love to learn new things so I’ll ask a million questions about what’s happening (a trait that he could also do without LOL…can’t tell you how many times he’s left me waiting until a commercial to get my answer)
My husband and I have been together almost half our lives. We met when we were super young and so we’ve grown and changed a LOT in that time. Back when I used to try to force a compromise, we had the hardest time making even the simplest decisions, like where to eat. Now we get along beautifully (aside from random arguments about chores) because even if one person is getting what they want and the other isn’t, it will eventually be the other person’s turn.
This idea may not work for everyone but it works for us, and it took a long time (years) to get to a point where we are not only comfortable enough asking for what we want, but also happy to receive it without feeling any sort of guilt or, worse, resentment from the other person.
If you take nothing else from this post, remember this - each relationship is as unique as the two people in it, and you have to find what works for you.
On our way to one of those Broadway shows I love so much
