Get Rid of the “Too Good to be True” Mentality
I was raised to expect the worst.
My parents are amazing people, and they did a phenomenal job raising me and my brother. We learned the value of hard work from watching them build a life from literally nothing after coming to the United States in their early 20s. But they've also been through a lot, together and in their own individual lives. So although they taught my brother and me that we could be whomever we wanted, as long as we were willing to work hard for it, they also taught us to live “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” as they say.
Conversations with my dad
Growing up, I had frequent heart-to-hearts with my father. In fact, it was one of my favorite ways to pass the time. He would be playing MLB in my brother’s room, and I would just sit with him. We would swap stories and advice, and he was more like my best friend than my dad (unless I broke the rules and pissed him off, but that’s another story for another time. Shout out to my fellow rebels!) As a result, I hung on his every word. If he said it, it was law, and nobody could tell me different.
One phrase that he repeated often was “Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.” That one was almost always followed by “The only thing you can count on people to do is let you down.” Oh! Another favorite: “Assume that the worst can, and will happen, that way you’ll never be surprised.”
Some of you may read this and nod your head emphatically, thinking, yes, that’s practical advice. He was just preparing you for the big, bad world. I respectfully disagree. What he was doing was projecting his own fears onto his very impressionable daughter who not only soaked up his every utterance, but engraved it in her soul. To put it bluntly, my pops messed with my head.
Of course, it all came from a place of love. He really was trying to protect me and somehow arm me for the many challenges I would face. To his credit, he’s grown a LOT since those conversations and now laughs when we talk about the kind of advice he used to give. After all, there’s no rulebook or guidebook to this parenting thing. Contrary to what we believe as children, our parents are literally winging it and just trying to keep us alive.
I’m not knocking my parents at all. It’s beautiful that my father would take the time to not only talk to me, but to listen and make me feel like my ideas were valuable. That’s MAJOR for a kid. What I am saying is that I now know better. There is a far better way to live than expecting bad sh*t to happen.
The power of our beliefs
We manifest what we spend our time mediating on.
Whatever you spend your energy focused on and playing over and over in your head, that’s what you attract into your life. Now, before you dismiss me and think I’m trying to sell you some hippie ideas, ask yourself this: how many successful people do you hear talking about what they aren’t good at? How many athletes talk about gearing up to lose a game? Which artists preach about their lack of talent?
None. The answer is none.
Successful people don’t have time to sit around thinking about what could go wrong. Instead, they meditate on their goals, they speak positively about their abilities, and they focus their energy on their faith, not their fears. By faith, I don’t necessarily mean religious beliefs, but beliefs in general. Everyone believes in something, and that something is what guides our thoughts and our decisions.
So many people meditate on their fears, and on thoughts of lack. What if I try to start my business and don’t make enough money? What if I start that diet and end up gaining more weight instead of losing? What if I go back to school and still can’t find a good job?
WHAT IF instead of meditating on fear and lack, we focused on faith and abundance?
My biggest fear
One of the biggest fears that I have now, that I never had before, is a fear of being broke.
When I was younger, I danced through my life with exactly zero worries. I didn’t worry about how I was going to make it through high school, or how I was going to pay for college. I damn sure didn’t worry about paying any bills. To me, things would eventually work themselves out and I didn’t concern myself with the details around how or who would make it so. Life has a way of acting like a rollercoaster because I was eventually knocked off that rainbow-colored cloud and found myself watching every cent that came in and out of my bank account. Now I’m working on making my decisions based on faith in abundance.
Not faith and abundance, but faith in abundance.
I have to have faith that abundance will be mine, that the money, resources, connections and health that I need to step into the next chapter of my life already have my name on them. See, right now I’m in the process of completely switching careers. While teaching has always been a passion of mine and was the best choice for me 7 years ago, it doesn’t suit the journey that I’m on now. In fact, it hasn’t been the best choice for a couple of years, but I’ve convinced myself that staying in this field was the right thing because it’s safe. The schedule is convenient for my family, the job itself makes me happy, and the money is good enough.
But that mentality right there? Good enough? That’s not how I want to live my life.
If I stayed in the mentality that I was raised on, I’d never take the leap of faith necessary to build my own business. Believing that the worst will happen, that my clients won’t pay their invoices, that I’ll run out of money and not be able to pay my bills…that doesn’t serve me in any way.
Shifting my mentality…and yours
The problem with believing that bad things can and will happen is that when things are actually going well, it’s hard to believe.
Living with the expectation that sh*t will eventually hit the fan makes it difficult to acknowledge and accept when life is actually going well. It leads to this “it’s too good to be true” mentality, like good things can’t possibly happen to me, and if they do, they can’t last for long. This is where I need to shift my mentality, and if you’re anything like me, you need to, too.
Instead of believing that good things can’t possibly last, let’s believe that not only will they last, but that there is more where they came from. You got a raise? Yes! There’s more where that came from. You bought a new house? Sweet! There’s more where that came from. You have a client who signed on to work exclusively with you? Amazing! And guess what? There’s more where that came from.
Friends, we don’t have time to waste anticipating whatever challenges we’re going to face. Because let’s be real, there will be challenges. I’m not suggesting that we should live in a happy bubble and ignore reality. Sh*t eventually will hit the fan. What I’m saying is that we shouldn’t walk around calling it, wondering where it’s at and what’s taking it so long to get to us. Don’t bring the negativity into your life. Deal with it when it does reach you, but stay in the mentality that any challenge you face is only temporary. Difficulties are just a moment in time, but your mode of operation is set to expect success, blessings, and abundance.
You are deserving of good things. You weren’t put on this Earth to live “well enough,” you are meant to live an abundant, beautiful life. The sooner you shift your mindset in that direction, the sooner you’ll see more and more amazing things happening for you.
